Ask Within…

What do we feel, how do we respond seeing sufferings, miseries in and around this projected creation? Over 2500 years ago ‘Buddha’ had this pain and dilemma that presented the world the Buddha…and over 2000 years ago Jesus had his way out to touch the heart of the world. Man of today also need to ask within, in order to realise the Truth behind his existence.

I suddenly got up from a frightful dream. It was 15th November 1977. We returned a few days ago from Barrankula, a cyclone relief camp in Divi taluk. We went there in knee-deep mud, lived in tents surrounded by corpses, eating just to maintain the body. We spent nearly a couple of weeks. Bhagawan appeared in dreams silently on 3 or 4 occasions. But after returning to Visakhapatnam, melancholic thoughts haunted me. Even though I am accustomed to go to hospital in a car for the past 18 to 19 years I felt guilty of the same when thousands are not having any conveyance. Similarly, I was hesitant to put on a “T” shirt, thinking that many of my brethren are going half clad. The same is the case with food. On top of this, scenes of dead bodies, collapsing huts etc. began appearing in my dreams successively for 3 days and from one such dream I got up suddenly.

I know that I was suffering from ‘reactive depressive psychosis’. I thought I must have a consultation with a psychiatrist or write a letter to Swami. I wrote to Bhagavan only on two occasions on purely official matters, which forced on me while discharging the duties of a district President, At that time I was working as Resident Medical Officer of one of the two mental hospitals in the State and treating several people counselling and administering drugs etc. As such I know swallowing a few drugs will improve my mental state without much ado.

Suddenly I went into a reverie: People are suffering from all sorts of miseries from times immemorial. Is there no way out of it? Lord Buddha pondered over it but not many were benefited out of his teachings. So is the case with every religious preceptor. The golden kingdom promised by Jesus has never appeared so far. Are they referring to a different plane of consciousness? Bhagawan must answer my questions and also show a solution. In all probability HE may not answer my letter. As it was my previous experience, I may get the answer in a book or somebody may pick a conversation with me without any relevance and answer all my doubts. So I wanted the answer then and there, remembering that HE is ANTARYAMI and not only Prasanthi-Nilayam-vihari.

Suddenly I heard a clear inner voice ask¬ing me, ‘About whom are you lamenting? On whom are you relying to get the answers? And who are you’? Abruptly the three groups – suffering humanity, God and myself—appeared before me commandingly ‘You know why all this misery is occurring’? I meekly said ‘Yes, Bhagawan, because I feel instead of One, these three as different entities’. ‘So when will this misery disappear’? asked the Divine voice. ‘When I feel that I am one with God and with all beings, and not separate, then there is no more misery’. I could not help the feeling that Bhagavan is making me answer my own questions, in a vivid manner.

All of a sudden I remembered the sentences of Baba at Whitefield in the interview room one day during 1970. On that memorable occasion HE emphasised that the answers I am getting now and then are not emanating from my own thought process but are revelations made directly by Him. With a mischievous laughter, the voice asked me ‘Is this all theoretical?’ I said ‘No Baba, we are not able to maintain that non dualistic state always and hence this suffering’. Absolute silence prevailed for some time.

From that very moment my depression vanished entirely and I could carry a new sparkling energy for days thereafter. So, let us always be aware of HIS presence within us, ready to give us unerring counsel, May HE bless us all to become that ONE REALITY.

II Samastha Lokah Sukhino Bhavantu II